The Issue with Bread

I hate buying bread. It is such a pain in the ass. I'm not above eating a sandwich for lunch (God knows, we are in a recession) and I am trying to make more of an effort to eat sandwiches. But the problem with eating sandwiches is that when I go to buy bread, IT EXPIRES TWO DAYS LATER!! How the hell are you supposed to accomplish that!? I have had a sandwich every day for the past nine weekdays and its already passed the expiration date! Don't tell me "Why don't you eat more than one sandwich a day?" Screw that. I like my food with some taste. Sandwiches are good but I like to switch it up. Eating a sandwich for lunch and dinner just is not an option.

I can understand a good loaf of bread for feeding a family but what about the bachelors and bachelorettes of this world? It is discrimination! I'm tired of a half loaf of moldy bread. This is a call out to the Wonder Breads, Sara Lees, and Pepperidge Farms of the world. When you are packaging your bread, put half in one package and the other half in another and sell it for half price! Is it that hard?

Rant over.

The Do's and Don'ts of Status Updates

I'm just gonna throw this one out there, Facebook is sweet. If I visit only one website during the day, it's going to be Facebook. It reminds me when my friends' birthdays are and allows me to view photos of their latest adventures. While I truly love Facebook and how it connects me to hundreds of people, there are downsides to this social site. Annoying application invitations, quizzes to find out what kind of animal you would be and most importantly, status updates. Don't get me wrong, status updates can be useful, but there are certain do's and don'ts when it comes to posting a status update.

Do Post
Anything involving a party or an awkward morning after a night of partying
Don't Post
Anything involving how you want to go out but can't/didn't - that is just lame

Do Post
Any throwback songs that you've rediscovered for the second, third or fourth time
Don't Post
How awesome that country concert was. We all know you're lying to yourself and you are actually pissed about getting ripped off.

Do Post
Anything awesome that may have happened to you, such as: Finding $5 in a pair of pants you haven't worn in a month; finally hooking up with that chick you've been working on for weeks; getting two bags of Skittles from the vending machine when you only paid for one.
Don't Post
Negative comments about your day, whining about how bad you have it, or complaining about life in general. If you really have something to complain about, call your mom or your best friend. I guarantee your 200+ "friends" on facebook couldn't care less about your long day at work. Complaining is just unattractive.

Do Post
Any major achievements that you recently accomplished: finishing a marathon; eating a large pizza by yourself; finally hooking up with that chick you've been working on for weeks; beating Super Mario Brothers 3 for the fifth time this week.
Don't Post
Anything dumb you're doing/did that you know people really don't care about. These things include: going for a run (if you put this i will comment on your status with, "it's about time, you could use a long run"); going to work out (my comment, "make sure to do your crunches, you know why"); just went to dinner with the best guy ever! (my comment "Did he get you the Happy Meal this time?")

These are just a few examples. More than anything, I advise you to think twice before posting your next status update or you could be called out via comments from your friends. Also, please comment with the status updates that you've seen that absolutely drive you crazy or make you question why you are facebook friends with that person in the first place.

Turn Off Your Computers?!

I just read an article this morning about the CEO of Google, Eric Schmidt, telling University of Pennsylvania graduates to turn off technology and look more toward the importance of people. Initially I was a little surprised that the CEO of one of the largest Internet companies is telling graduates to stay away from their computers. Google wouldn't exist without the millions of users who visit their site, use their email service-Gmail, upload photos to Picasa, or access the web via their Android-based smart phone. So why on earth would the CEO of Google tell recent college graduates to turn off technology?


He sees what many of us also see, but choose to ignore. In this crazy world of texting, instant-messaging, facebook chatting and tweeting, we would much rather communicate electronically to the person next to us than to simply turn to them to say, "hey, how's it going?" Personal connections have fallen by the way-side and have been substituted for "poking," tweeting, texting and emails. A friend of mine recently lost her cell phone and is now on week 4 without it. She must be going crazy, right? Actually, she feels a sense of freedom that she hasn't experienced in quite some time. Conversations that took place via text, are now communicated in person or over the phone (yes, she has a land-line phone). While I would be freaking out without my cell phone, she is in no hurry to replace it.

It would be hypocritical for me to tell people to quit emailing and to use their cell phones less - I own two BlackBerry's. What I will suggest though, is to go out and meet new people. Interact with them without checking your texts or emails on your phone. Mail someone a hand-written letter, even though you know a 30-second email would do the trick. Find ways to enhance your personal relationships instead of meaningless electronic communication. It's the personal touches that make you stand out to that professor, business partner or potential employer.

Start A New Tradition

Sunday fun-day was taken to a whole new level last August 31st. Kegs of beer (plural), margaritas, backyard grilling, a slip-n-slide, and funky hats. All were key ingredients to the first annual Labor Day Luau. What started as an excuse for a group of guys to drink outside all day, turned into one hell of a Sunday bash. And just like that, a new tradition was created. Nothing unites friends and stimulates good times like creating a new tradition. Another great example is the 9-9-9 challenge.

I was recently invited to the 6th Annual 9-9-9 Challenge via a Facebook request. A buddy of mine started this event in college with a small group of friends and has grown to over 30 participants. The object of the 9-9-9 challenge is to eat 9 hot dogs, drink 9 beers, during a 9-inning baseball game. The game of choice is usually part of the first Cubs/Cardinals series of the season.

Although there are over 30 participants, only a select few actually complete the challenge. Beer bongs and shotgunning beers is against the rules. You can eat hot dogs and drink beers at your own pace. The only other rule is you can't throw up. If you throw up, you must start again if you want to successfully complete the challenge.

Each year, participants have the chance to earn awards. Some awards are good, others can bring shame to your name. Good awards are:

• Champion
  
• Drunkest
• Rookie of the Year
• Most Improved

And then there are the awards that you try to avoid:

• First to Puke
  
• Worst Competitor
  
• Disappointment Award

The 9-9-9 Challenge is just one example of a tradition that came from nowhere and has continually grown each year. It's a great way for friends to get together and more than anything, have a good time while trying to avoid embarrassment.

Now it's time to start your own tradition. It could be a theme party, some sort of competition, or just a weekly karaoke night. Whatever it is, make it your own and have fun with it, but no Naked Thursdays because it's already taken.

TextsFromLastNight.com

A friend of mine recently told me about this new site, textsfromlastnight.com, which she described as hilarious and super-addictive. She was right. You may have heard of another site entitled fmylife.com which is also hilarious, but doesn't compare to TFLN.

Textsfromlastnight.com is exactly what you think it is, a compilation of absurd/comical/disturbing texts. Most involve a crazy night of drinking or a painfully rude awakening the next morning. TFLN is a user generated site where visitors submit their texts that they deem worthy of posting. While i'm sure TFLN gets thousands of submitted texts a day, they do a pretty good job of screening out the bad ones. Some posts show conversations while others are single texts. Here are a few of my favorite texts (FYI: I didn't write these, I just think they're hilarious)

• (803): Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
  
• (224): :( I'm sorry!!!
  (847): sexual favors sorry?
  (224): absolutely not
• (201): I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
• (678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
  (770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
• (845): i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
• (248): yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)

That is just a sampler. You'll have to check out the site yourself to truly appreciate its greatness.

Free Google Biz Cards

Please tell me you've Googled yourself lately. If not, you need to. When Googling yourself, you may see some results that you don't like. This is where creating a Google Profile comes in handy. Google has recently created a new tool that let's users create their own personal profile that will show up during searches. This is just one way you can help control the content that comes up when your name is searched.

Although there is no guarantee that this will be a top result when searching your name, it can't hurt to take this step in controlling the search-able content under your name.


In an effort to promote Google Profiles, Google has partnered with iPrint to offer free Google Profile business cards to the first 10,000 people to order. While you only get 25 cards, it's still a neat personal branding tool. I not only recommend signing up for Google Profiles, but also get your free personal branding cards while they last.

9 Reasons to Cheer on the Menace in 2009

I might be commiting blogging crime by posting something I did for work, but here it is anyways. I recently wrote an article for Iowa Sports Connection that lists 9 Reasons to Cheer on the Menace in 2009. (I do marketing and promotions for the Des Moines Menace, a minor-league soccer team that competes in the United Soccer League's (USL) Premier Development League (PDL)

Entering its 16th season of competition, the Des Moines Menace is once again ready to provide central Iowa with the best soccer experience in the state. This year’s team will feature many new players from all over the country, as well as a few familiar faces from last season. In addition to providing top level soccer talent, the Menace organization has also created some phenomenal promotions to excite fans this summer. As an introduction to the upcoming Menace season, I’ve compiled a list of the top 9 reasons why everyone in the state of Iowa should cheer on the Menace in 2009.

9. Valley Stadium
For the second straight season, the Menace will be playing at Valley Stadium in West Des Moines. Not only is the location of the stadium extremely accessible, but the venue itself provides a unique soccer experience. Valley Stadium’s artificial turf creates a more up-tempo playing style that will excite everyone in attendance.

8 Conference Home games
With a shake-up in the conference, the Heartland division has added two new teams and lost one. The Menace will kick-off the regular season against one of the new divisional teams, the Rochester Thunder. Last season the Menace missed the playoffs by one point, but the team is eager to redeem themselves in 2009.

7:30 Kick-off Times
Menace games will start an hour later, which means summer nights at Valley Stadium under the lights. It’s difficult to beat the awesomeness of enjoying the world’s most popular sport underneath stadium lights in the summer time.

6. Cleat Crew Kids Club
This season, kids ages 13 and under can sign up for the Menace Cleat Crew and receive: tickets to 3 games, a free hot dog and drink at each of those games, an official Cleat Crew t-shirt, and a chance to win great prizes such as 4 tickets to a Kansas City Wizards game. The Cleat Crew is presented by the United Way of Central Iowa. Sign-up online at MenaceSoccer.com/fanzone/crew

5. Free Stuff
Who doesn’t enjoy free stuff? Menace games will feature some amazing giveaways all season long, including: red aviator sunglasses, cowbells, magnet schedules, a grill, diamond jewelry and a lot of t-shirts.

4th of July
Looking for a good fireworks show on the Fourth of July? No problem. The Menace will have fireworks again this season for their Fourth of July Celebration. There will be a free picnic before the game followed by one heck of a fireworks show afterwards. In addition to the free food and fireworks, the Menace will battle it out with rival Thunder Bay Chill, last year’s PDL National Champions.

3rd Annual Kick for the Cure
On July 11th, the Menace will be hosting the 3rd Annual Kick for the Cure game presented by the Principal Financial Group. The Menace will be selling pink Kick for the Cure wristbands all season long to help raise money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation and the fight against breast cancer.

2 Round Trip Flights at Every Regular Season Game
You could be one of the lucky winners of two round trip flights to any Allegiant Air destination this summer. The Allegiant Air giveaway takes place at the end of every home game except for the May 2nd and June 6th games.

$1 Hot Dogs at Every Game!

Menace games will feature one dollar hot dogs this summer. Dollar Dogs sponsored by Ball Park Franks will be featured all season long. How many hot dogs can you eat? Check out DollarDogs.com for more information.